Still Searching!

I am a little confused as to how to put it, ‘a sour relationship going sweet’ or ‘a sweet relationship going sour’ yet wondering again if at all there is a relationship?
I see my reflection in his misery, I feel his pain like mine, perhaps our experiences with love have been the same, we both loved and lost. But where I have, time and again managed to pick up pieces of my life and heart and walked on, he is still standing where he was, struggling in pain and desperately wanting to be relieved from it yet hesitant or too proud to ask for it.
Perhaps a paradox of sorts but how do I explain it to him that what is life without pain and what is the fun of living it when you cannot walk with pride each time you stumble. Why accept defeat and turn cold when you have innumerable opportunities of succeeding yet another time? Why protect yourself from the unknown and the unseen when you can marvel something that is just before you? Why reject compassion and friendships just for false pride where in you are craving for it deep down? How do I tell that a tear wasted for the undeserving is like wasting your worth to muck? Is all this worth it?
I am still not sure what I am saying but I see a man before me who behind his cold camouflage is weak, venerable and alone. Perhaps very insecure and unsure of himself, wanting to reach out to the bright light but hesitant of being burnt and rejected once again.
If only I could tell him, “come here my friend and rest your soul in my arms, I assure you that you will sleep in peace. It is my promise to you that when you wake up, it will be a brighter tomorrow and despite the challenges that will come your way you will emerge stronger and more compassionate. Throw your mask and face the world because no one has the capacity to hurt you anymore!”
Dear diary, I know these words might never reach him as I do not have the courage to tell him but I am a bit relieved that you listen to me patiently. Thank you!
I will not say good-bye because I know I will come again and this time I hope I have the answers to a few of my questions.
“My journey with you began with grief, I was at crossroads when you came along
We moved along, sometimes separately, only to come back and walk together
Today when I look back I realise how little I knew of you only to swell with pride that you chose me as your confidant.
My dear friend, I cry for you and love you with all my heart, come surrender your soul in me.”

Shelter Thy Soul

Lay your sorrows on my hand,
And gift me troubles that tie you down.
Hand me the miseries that haunt your mind,
Come surrender your soul into me.

Let me hold those trembling hands,
And lock your sorrows in my soulful eyes.
Let me walk you into the world,
That you've battled all your life.

Close your eyes and hold my hand,
We'll walk together through the roughest patch.
I'll cherish your love and comfort your heart,
Come shelter your soul into me.
Nidhi Soni

Of Talents and Humans!

I sometimes wonder how would it be if human never had the capacity to feel. I know its not a unique question that has popped up and there are many more like me who would have though the same thing at one point in time but come to think of it seriously how does it feel to completely be numb. I guess most of the problems currently bothering mankind would be over. The capacity to hate, love would be alien and greed and trauma could might as well history. I see a pup wining and my heart goes all for the animal, but despite that I do nothing, my heart breaks and I slump into depression. I hate being morose, gloomy or roam like a ghost but since I am human, damn human I cannot help it and despite best efforts, I fail to overpower these pitiful emotions. Most of you might just say "Get Over It Woman, What A Waste" but ya when was the last time anyone of you shrugged it off with a snap of your finger. At this point in time I would like to go numb, for one because I feel let down by friends and most importantly, I am guilty. Yes guilt is what's actually killing me. I have a unique talent. Its ruining things for myself with my own beautiful hands. I would like to think that I am numb as I write this coz things would appear for some strange more logical. Honestly speaking, I have not been very kind, appreciative, humane to lets say Mr Sweetheart. I am still numb. I should have been coz I wud like to believe that I am a nice person, ... Remember I am still numb...... but as I said my talent came in the way... and as always ended up ruining everything.... I know Mr Sweetheart did not deserve it but how could my talent now come into use... and now that allz lost all I do is roam like a ghost and write this ultra depressive blog.... Yes I am still numb. So I was just wondering if I didn't have the capacity to feel, none would have bothered and I cud be free from the clutches of these worldly nuances. Mr Sweetheart would not have existed for me and my friends would just be mere human bodies..... Ya may be I have gone insane but I am human after all.... Shucks! There I go. Human! Gawd, here I am giving yet another excuse for being so talented and at the same time being so apologetic about it.
If anyone is reading it plz don't bother your self, one bit coz this is a fragment of my crazy being... If you understand what that means.....

Only If!!!!!

It was not until now that realisation dawned and I saw myself walking a familiar path. My heart skipped a beat each time I felt your aura around me and even more when your tiny eyes smiled at me. I wanted to bend forward and capture your face but my eyes blushed. It was not until now I realised that I am indeed walking a very familiar path…

A path I thought was long forgotten. I wanted to return but my heart gave in. It wanted to walk beside yours but there was no room. Although, I still walk this very familiar path, but this time, without you. Only if you could hold me and lead me to a brighter world. Only if I could undo the past, only if I could stop you, ask you to stay.......... Only if I could muster the courage to look into your eyes and tell you ......... Now You mean the world to me!

Only if we had not met to part like strangers, only if you could listen to my unspoken words, wipe my tears. Only if your absence wouldn't hurt that much…. I stand here helpless, unable to rewind the time to our happier moments. Even more helpless as I cannot hold your hand or rest my head on your shoulders…. Only if I had not walked that familiar path, only if this had not ended with such bitterness………… Only if!

I DARE TO ENTER THE BLOGGERS WORLD

I used to wonder how can anything replace your personal diary for it's not just your personal thoughts that are poured into those pages but also contains your deep, dark secrets? Why would people be willing to know what you think and how you percive things, unless you are a social A-lister. But the blogging culture has actually taken me by surprise and now I realise that its OK if people do have an access to your personal side and it's fine if they wish to comment on it. May be it's a refined way of telling you that "You are not the only one with these perceptions, we are there too". Guess this gives me some kind of solace that my undefined world has takes, contrary to what I though initially.
I would like to thank my colleague, Priyanka actually for motivating me enough to revive my blog... Thanks a ton babes.... and now that I have, I wish to be more visible on the blogging scene... Your comments and contributions are most welcome.. although, I am not quite sure how well will they be received...